Why Is Delayed Gratification Such An Important Trait?

We live in an instant world.  When you are talking with someone and a question is raised, before you know it they’ve whipped out a smart phone and are looking for the answer.  We have instant mashed potatoes, instant pudding, instant messaging, and instant credit.  A lot of work has been done around the importance of delayed gratification.  Below is an article that you might find interesting.

"The Power of Delaying Gratification"

“In 1970 psychologist Walter Mischel famously placed a cookie in front of a group of children and gave them a choice: they could eat the cookie immediately, or they could wait until he returned from a brief errand and then be rewarded with a second. If they didn’t wait, however, they’d be allowed to eat only the first one. Not surprisingly, once he left the room, many children ate the cookie almost immediately. A few, though, resisted eating the first cookie long enough to receive the second. Mischel termed these children high-delay children.

Interestingly, the children who were best able to delay gratification subsequently did better in school and had fewer behavioral problems than the children who could only resist eating the cookie for a few minutes—and, further, ended up on average with SAT scores that were 210 points higher. As adults, the high-delay children completed college at higher rates than the other children and then went on to earn higher incomes. In contrast, the children who had the most trouble delaying gratification had higher rates of incarceration as adults and were more likely to struggle with drug and alcohol addiction.

Which all suggests that the ability to delay gratification—that is, impulse control—may be one of the most important skills to learn to have a satisfying and successful life. The question is, how do we learn it?

The answer may lie in the strategies Mischel's high-delay children used. Rather than resist the urge to eat the cookie, these children distracted themselves from the urge itself. They played with toys in the room, sang songs to themselves, and looked everywhere but at the cookie. In short, they did everything they could to put the cookie out of their minds.

Taking his cue from these high-delay children, in a second study, Mischel placed two marshmallows side by side in front of a different group of children to whom he explained, as in the previous study, that eating the first before he returned to the room would mean they couldn’t eat the second. He then instructed one group of them to imagine when he stepped out of the room how much marshmallows are like clouds: round, white, and puffy. (He instructed a control group, in contrast, to imagine how sweet and chewy and soft they were.) A third group he instructed to visualize the crunchiness and saltiness of pretzels. Perhaps not surprisingly, the children who visualized the qualities of the marshmallows that were unrelated to eating them (that is, the way in which they were similar to clouds) waited almost three times longer than children who were instructed to visualize how delicious the marshmallows would taste. Most intriguing, however, was that picturing the pleasure of eating pretzels produced the longest delay in gratification of all. Apparently, imagining the pleasure they’d feel from indulging in an unavailable temptation distracted the children even more than cognitively restructuring the way they thought about the temptation before them.

In other words, one of the most effective ways to distract ourselves from a tempting pleasure we don't want to indulge is by focusing on another pleasure. So the next time you find yourself confronted with a temptation—whether a piece of cake, a drink of alcohol, or a psychoactive drug—don't employ willpower to resist it. Send your attention somewhere else by imagining a different pleasure not immediately available to you. For if you can successfully turn your attention elsewhere until the temptation is removed from your environment or you remove yourself from its environment, the odds that you'll give in to your impulse will decrease more than with almost any other intervention you can try.”

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, check out Dr. Alex Lickerman's book, The Undefeated Mind, which is available at Amazon.com.  You might be an interesting read.

Let us know what you think by contacting us at support@entrustedlegacy.org

Make A Difference

In the United States there is long history of philanthropy and giving.  There are so many ways that each of us can make a difference.  Whether we give of our talents, our time, our money, or our connections, we have the opportunity to change the world.  If you go back into the 1800s you can find the founding of the United Way.  In began in 1887 when a Denver woman, a priest, two ministers and a rabbi recognized the need for cooperative action to address their city’s welfare problems.  More than 125 years later, United Way is still focused on mobilizing the caring power of communities and making a difference in people’s lives.

This need to make a difference in the world has been captured often throughout our history and has inspired generations of America to be part of the solution.  In 1961 young people flocked to the Peace Corps and in 1990 Teach for America launched. In 2007 George Bush’s reference to Points of Light resulted in a non-profit foundation and in 2010, Entrusted Legacy was born.  What all these non-profits have in common is that they provide a platform for people to give back.

Learn about our story and the work that we do.  Please join with Entrusted Legacy and support our efforts to train and develop strong role models and mentors for the more than people who work with youth in afterschool and summer programs.  Check out our website at www.entrustedlegacy.org or by contacting us at support@entrustelegacy.org

Making A Difference

The story I am going to share with you is a true story, although I will not name the heroine of this story.  This is a story of the difference that can be made in the life of a person when a mentor and positive role model enters the picture.  The success in this story began about twelve years ago, but before I get to that part, I think you need a little context.  A beautiful young teenager was unhappy at home.  She discovered an “older” boyfriend who could take her away from the less than supportive environment.  Soon she was pregnant with her first child.  She kept going to high school but soon got pregnant for a second time.  By the age of 16 she had two children and by 17 she had added a third.  Through this all she stuck to her guns and was able to get a high school diploma.  This accomplishment speaks to her tenacity and will. 

She applied for an opportunity to participate in AmeriCorps, an organized program that allows people to give back to the community.  For this young woman it also gave her a breather, provided her with a small monthly stipend, medical insurance for herself and child care for her children.  She elected to serve for two years.  During that time she connected to a role model and mentor who believed in her.  And slowly over that two years, she began to believe in herself.  After she completed her years of service she was hired to work in an afterschool program and she realized that she could be a mentor for middle school girls in a way that others could not.  She worked with the girls, shared with them the challenges of being a teenage parent, and as she helped them believe that each of them could succeed, she began to believe it for herself as well.  All the time, her mentor stood by her and encouraged her. 

She used her AmeriCorps Education Award to get a college education.  She has successfully changed not only her own life but the life of her four children (she had one more after AmeriCorps), and she has reached hundreds of people with her story and by becoming a role model and mentor to others.

It is not difficult to imagine how this competent and compassionate young woman could have ended up a negative statistic had she not found a person who was willing to invest in her, to spend time with her, to support her, and to believe in her.  You have the opportunity to contribute and help Entrusted Legacy create more stories with this happy ending.  People who work with youth need to be trained and mentored so they too can pay it forward.  Contact us at support@entrustedlegacy.org or check out our website at www.entrustedlegacy.org. 

“Do As I Say”?

Thanks to an article posted by Elyse Bruce on April 12, 2010 we have a history of the phrase,

“Do as I say, not as Ido.”  

  Here’s what she shares: 

“This is an admonitory phrase that has been used by parents the world over for generations and yet, very few people seem to know its origins.  In the Spectator on June 24, 1911, this advice was published:  “It has always been considered allowable to say to children, ‘Do as I say, rather than as I do.’”

This phrase, however, harkens back to several generations before 1911.  In John Selden’s book Table Talk which was published posthumously in 1689 (and written in 1654 just prior to his death), he wrote:  ”Preachers say, ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’  And while the advice is sound, he was not the first author to offer it.  In 1546, John Heywood’s “A Dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue“ the following can be found:  “It is as folke dooe, and not as folke say.”

However, the Anglo-Saxons in the 12th Century were known to say:  “Ac theah ic wyrs do thonne ic the lære ne do thu na swa swa ic do, ac do swa ic the lære gyf ic the wel lære” which translates into:   “Although I do worse than I teach you, do not do as I do, but do as I teach you if I teach you well.”

However, when all is said and done, this saying can be traced all the way back to the Bible in the Book of St. Matthew (verses 1-3) where the King James Version states: “Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples saying  “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat:  All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.”

As a reflective person I have to ask myself, “Do I walk my talk?”  Of course the answer is “Not always”, but when it comes to being a positive role model and mentor for youth, I believe that I do this in my direct interactions with youth but also by helping to prepare role models and mentors for their work with youth.  Please join be by investing in the mission of Entrusted Legacy.  You can find out about our work at www.entrustedlegacy.org

Stewardship

An “attitude of gratitude”, while a mindset, has been turned into books, movements and projects.  You can Google them easily.  The notion behind an attitude of gratitude is one of stewardship.  It focuses on the importance of being grateful for what you have and using your gifts and talents wisely to make a difference.  In the New Testament we see this notion played on in the Parable of the Talents.  In the parable talents refers to money but the point of the parable can be translated to include ones gifts and abilities as well.  Here is the parable from the New International Version of the Bible. 

“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them.  To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability.  Then he went on his journey.  The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more.  So also, the one with the two talents gained two more.  But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

After a long time, the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.  The man who had received the five talents brought the other five.  “Master,” he said, “you entrusted me with five talents.  See, I have gained five more.”

His master replied, “Well done, good and faithful servant!  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master’s happiness!”

The man with the two talents also came.  “Master,” he said, “you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.”

His master replied, “Well done, good and faithful servant!  You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master’s happiness!”

Then the man who had received the one talent came.  “Master,” he said, “I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.  So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground.  See, here is what belongs to you.”

His master replied, “You wicked, lazy servant!  So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?  Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

“Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents.  For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance.  Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.  And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

- Matthew 25:14-30 (NIV)

How will you use your talents?  Please join us at Entrusted Legacy and help us make a difference.  Contact us at support@entrustedlegacy.org 

The Little Red Hen

There is a children’s story entitled The Little Red Hen.  In this story, a folk tale of probable Russian origin,  the Little Red Hen finds a grain of wheat and asks all of the farmyard animals to help her plant the grain, and none of them are willing to do that.  After the wheat has grown it is time to harvest the grain, and again the Little Red Hen asks for volunteers to help her with this task, and again there is no willingness to help.  After the harvest the grain must be threshed to separate the chaff from the wheat and then of course the process of milling the wheat into flour.  An again at each phase no volunteers are forthcoming.  Finally the Red Hen is ready to bake the bread and one last time she invites the other farmyard animals to help and once again they say ‘No”. 

Finally, the Little Red Hen has finished baking the bread and asks, “Who will help me eat the bread?”  Unlike all of the other times, the farmyard animals are all willing to be eager volunteers.  But this time she declines the help and says that since they were not willing to help on the front end they wouldn’t be able to benefit in the end.  So she and her chicks ate all of the bread, leaving nothing for anyone else. 

As is mentioned in the wiki about this story, “the moral of this story is that those who show no willingness to contribute to a product do not deserve to enjoy the product.”  You have an opportunity to get in on the front end of the process of helping youth leaders to develop the skills they need to be a positive and effective role model and mentor for youth.  Join us at Entrusted Legacy by logging onto our website at www.entrustedlegacy.org and making an investment in the future.  

Youth As Assets—A Fundamental Point of View

How do you see the young people that you know?  Do you think of them as possibilities or pains?  Maybe if you’re honest, you think of them as both.  Young people, in our opinion, can certainly be both.  Certainly they are the possibility of the person they will become and the contribution they will make to the world.  They are also the possibility of the contribution they can make in the present.  And of course, they can be a colossal pain as they challenge everything we do. 

Let’s first think about young people in a “future” state.  As they develop the skills they need to navigate the world successfully, those possibilities become closer to reality.  In the future we would like to see youth transform into young adults who realize Maslow’s Hierarchy and are safe economically, emotionally, and physically, build strong relationships with friends, family and colleagues, and accept the responsibility for giving back to the community in which they live.  If they achieve this they will be self-actualized.  Each young person has gifts and talents to be developed, and unleashing that potential is part of the work we do each day with youth.

They also have the possibility of accomplishing a great deal in the here and now.  I recently saw an interview with a young man who responded to an inventor’s challenge and designed and developed a device that would keep parents from leaving a small child or infant in the car.  During the interview the boy commented, “If I can save just one life then it will be worth it!”  This young man is not the only youth who has made a difference during youth.  Our programs can work on developing and honing skills by actually having youth utilize those skills in service and community projects.

Then of course we can’t avoid considering that youth can certainly be a pain.  One of the ways that they are best suited to demonstrate this attribute is through challenging the status quo and the “why” behind what we are doing and want them to do.  I am reminded of the story of the Christmas ham.  The girl wants to know “why” her mother cuts off the end of the ham before baking.  The mother responds that this is how her mother (the girl’s grandmother) always fixed the ham.  When the grandmother arrives for dinner she says that the girl will need to ask her great-grandmother who will arrive soon because she simply continued the procedure her mother (the great-grandmother) had used.  When the great-grandmother arrives and is asked the question about the ham she responds, “I don’t know why your mother and grandmother cut the end of the ham off, but I did it because my pan was too little.”  This story is a classic example of both the status quo (something we do simply because it is the way we’ve always done things) and the challenging that youth do which requires us to look at our own habits and procedures with a more critical eye. 

As a positive role model and mentor for youth we have the opportunity to support the view that youth are assets to be given an opportunity to shine.  Help Entrusted legacy support the training and development of youth leaders so they are well prepared to guide youth.  Contact us at support@entrustedlegacy.org or by logging on to our website at www.entrustedlegacy.org